Motherhood is one of the most beautiful and ever-changing journeys you’ll ever walk on.  The responsibilities of being a mother are endless but the love that comes from it is all worth it.  With all that comes with motherhood it is quite easy to create unrealistic expectations that fuel mom guilt.

The Invisible Weight of Expectations

Expectations for how motherhood is supposed to look for us mamas, starts long before many moms become moms.  We typically have an image of what kind of mom we’d like to be.  We start to create and visualize how our children will be and our interactions with them. 

Once we become mothers, the expectations don’t stop.  Once they are here, we use our expectations, even the unrealistic expectations, as a way of guiding and caring for them.   

We allow so many things to influence how we want to be as a mother and how we think we should be as mother.  Influences stem from the way we have experienced life, our childhood, social media, television, music and so much more.  The issue with the influence of all these things, is that it creates a cycle of comparisons.

The Slippery Slope of Comparisons

We all compare ourselves to others from time to time.  But doing so, can create feelings of mom guilt and shame. 

Comparing ourselves to others makes it easier for us to create new standards and expectations that can be too much for us.  Doing this creates a place for unrealistic expectations to develop. 

When comparing ourselves to moms that we may see on social media or even the moms we personally know, we set ourselves up to feel horrible about ourselves.  We all ‘mama’ differently and as unique as each child is, each child we mother requires something different sometimes. 

Comparing ourselves to other moms may create feelings that influence our belief that we should be ‘perfect’ mothers.  Then when we foster in the thoughts and emotions surrounded by not living up to this perfect standard it carries a hefty burden of mom guilt. Striving to be a perfect mom is like running on a treadmill expecting to arrive at a different destination.  It’s just not an attainable goal.

The Ripple Effects on Family

Having unrealistic expectations doesn’t just impact mothers, it impacts the whole family environment.  When we set these high standards, they’re not just for the mother, we often unintentionally set them for our partners and children. 

Imagine how your child must feel if they constantly feel the need to do well academically, in sports, extracurricular activities, with home chores, and behave like an angel, their anxiety and stress levels are probably through the roof. 

Same thing for our partners, if we set these unrealistic expectations for them to do all the things, we think they should be doing they probably feel the burden of unhappiness or miserable.  It can also make for a very unhappy and unhealthy relationship. 

It is safe to say unrealistic expectations is harmful for a healthy and happy environment.  For it can lead to tons of frustration and dissatisfaction.

Embracing Imperfections and Breaking Free

As mothers it is vital that we let go of unrealistic expectations and create standards that are healthy for ourselves and our family.  Motherhood isn’t about being perfect, but it is about being loving, caring, understand, and present with our family.  It’s about doing our best but also embracing the imperfections that come our way.

As moms, we will have bad days, we will get things wrong, and we will feel overwhelmed.  It’s important to remember that ‘good enough’ is good enough at times and mistakes are part of the motherhood journey. 

Conclusion

Unrealistic expectations have the ability to be truly harmful for you and your family.  The mom guilt that comes with unrealistic expectations can bully you into feeling horrible about yourself.  I hope you can break free from this mama!

Learn to love your motherhood journey that you’re on for it is unique and special to you and your family.  Create realistic expectations that work for your home life.  Give yourself the grace and self-compassion you deserve on this journey.  And as always, I’m wishing you good mental wellness. 💚